


Don't Let Me Go

by disturbinglynic



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation, Supernatural
Genre: Discrimination, Homophobia, M/M, character death prior to the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 09:29:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disturbinglynic/pseuds/disturbinglynic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is trying to deal with the death of his brother when Wesley, his brother's friend, and someone who Dean is very much in love with but could never do anything about because Wesley was just way too young, comes back to town. Wesley keeps Dean from falling into depression. They grow closer and Dean thinks he might finally actually have a shot with Wesley, but what will happen to their relationship when Wesley gets fired from his job for being gay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
>   
>  Art made by [viviantanner](http://viviantanner.livejournal.com/)  
> 

Metallica blared from the sound system. Dean was lost in the music and lost in his work. It was easier for him this way. Focusing on the job at hand left him no room to let his thoughts wander to places they shouldn’t. Focusing meant he didn’t think about things that made him want to drown himself in as much liquor as possible.

 

He needed to focus on what was in front of him so he wouldn’t focus on what was missing.

 

It was why when someone let out a timid “hello”, Dean actually jumped. He hadn’t even heard a car pull up.

 

He pulled himself out from under the car and his mouth fell open. “Wesley? Is that really you?”

 

The face above him smiled. “Dean?”

 

Dean laughed and stood up, pulling Wesley into his arms. “Jesus, kid. How the hell are you?”

 

Wesley laughed and wrapped his arms around Dean. “I’m good, Dean. I’m good.”

 

Dean pulled back so he could really look at Wesley. It had been nearly four years since he had last seen Wesley. Back in the day, Sam and Wesley had been inseparable, despite the age difference. 

 

Dean stepped away from Wesley. He brought back so many memories. He brought back the memories that Dean tried so hard to not think about. Dean was barely holding on as it was.

 

“I’m sorry. I know I must bring up memories that you don’t want to have to deal with.”

 

“No, it’s okay. It’s just hard sometimes, you know?”

 

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I wish I could have been here. I wish I could have at least made it out for the funeral.”

 

Dean swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat as he blinked back tears. He gave himself a mental shake and took a deep breath in. “Don’t worry about it, kid. So, what the hell brings you back to this dump of a town? I thought you were out of here for good.”

 

“Teaching, actually.”

 

“Really? You’re going to be teaching at the high school?”

 

“I start in August.”

 

“Sam would have been proud of you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I’m proud of you.”

 

Wesley offered him a small smile and blushed. “Thanks.”

 

“So what brings you to my shop?”

 

Wesley cleared his throat. “Right. My car is making funny noises.”

 

“Well let’s have a look at it.” Dean followed Wesley to his car and let out a snort.

 

“I know, I know. It’s a piece of shit. But it runs and it gets me where I need to go.”

 

“I was actually about to close up for the night. If you don’t mind leaving it here overnight so I can look at it first thing in the morning, I can give you a ride home.”

 

“Yeah, sure. That sounds fine.”

 

Dean put Wesley’s car away and closed up his shop quickly. He did his best to ignore the feelings that he had long ago buried. He had always had feelings for his younger brother’s friend, but Wesley had been so young then, and Dean had felt like the world’s biggest pervert. There was a ten and a half year difference between the two of them, after all.

 

“Hey, you turn twenty-one soon, don’t you?”

 

Wesley blushed, again. “Yeah. I can’t believe you remembered that.”

 

Dean shrugged. “Not that hard. You and Sam were pretty close. You ready to go?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Wesley followed Dean to this car. Neither of them said anything for a while but Dean couldn’t stand it. He didn’t like when it was quiet for too long. It left him with his memories.

 

“You know, Sam always kept me updated on your life. You guys stayed in touch and Sam used to always tell me everything.”

 

Wesley huffed. “Figures. Good thing I don’t have anything to hide.”

 

Dean smirked. “What’s the matter, kid? Don’t want me finding out about all your dirty little secrets?”

 

Wesley blushed once again, and Dean couldn’t help wondering just how often Wesley did that, and didn’t answer him. Dean would have to remember that reaction. He left Wesley alone for now though and they drove the rest of the way to Wesley’s in silence. The silence seemed to be just a little friendlier than it normally was. 

 

Wesley directed him to the nicer part of town where the apartments were spacious and definitely not cheap.

 

“You live here and you drive around in that shitty little car?” Dean asked, disbelief clear in his voice.

 

Wesley shrugged. “No offense, but I don’t really care what kind of car I drive. I’m not even a little into cars.”

 

Dean gasped dramatically, placing his hand over his heart. “You wound me, Wesley. I’m not sure that we can be friends anymore.”

 

Wesley rolled his eyes at Dean’s dramatics. “Do you want to come in and have dinner with me?”

 

He should say no. Wesley was still too young for him even if he was legal now. Not that Dean thought things would be headed in that direction if he had dinner with Wesley, but there was also the fact that Wesley brought up so many memories of Sam.

 

Wesley must have sensed his hesitation. “Oh come on. We can catch up. I’m sure there are some things Sam never told you, just like I’m sure there are some things Sam never told me. Besides, I’ll make you the best chicken you’ve ever tasted.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow. “The best? I hope you’re prepared to back that up.”

 

“You’re just going to have to join me for dinner so that I can prove it.” Wesley was smirking at him.

 

‘Fine, fine. I’ll let you prove to me that you can cook the best chicken I’ve ever tasted.

 

Wesley’s entire face lit up, obviously thrilled that Dean had agreed. It was nice to know that somebody was actually excited about hanging out with him. Dean didn’t exactly do friends. Flings, yes. Most people avoided Dean. He didn’t blame them. He wasn’t exactly a thrill to be around.

 

“Did Sam really talk to you about me?” Dean asked as he parked the car.

 

“All the time. He loved you, Dean.”

 

Dean followed Wesley up to his apartment. It was spacious, but cozy. He stopped in the bathroom so that he could wash up, telling himself over and over that it was just dinner. His feelings for Wesley were still inappropriate. He needed to keep them buried.

 

He could do this.

 

He left the bathroom and joined Wesley in the kitchen where it already smelled like heaven.

 

“Jesus, Wesley. If your chicken tastes as good as it smells in here, then I think it might just actually be the best chicken ever.”

 

Wesley smiled at him. “Good. Now you can make yourself useful and set the table.”

 

Dean gave him a little salute and rummaged around the kitchen for dishes and silverware. It would probably still be a little while before the chicken was ready though. 

 

He opened the fridge to find something to drink. “No beer?” he asked.

 

“Not twenty-one yet. Remember?”

 

Dean chuckled. “Right. How could I forget. Do we have time for me to make a run for some?”

 

“Do you really need some?”

 

“No, I suppose I don’t, but I could buy whatever you want.”

 

“I’m fine with just soda.”

 

Dean pulled out a couple of cans of Coke and handed one to Wesley. “Soda it is then.”

 

Wesley raised an eyebrow. “Is that a problem?”

 

Dean shrugged. “I usually have a beer with my dinner but it’s not a big deal. Have you ever had a beer?”

 

Wesley shook his head.

 

“Have you ever had any alcohol at all?”

 

Again, Wesley shook his head.

 

Dean huffed. “In that case, you have to let me take you out and get you drunk for your twenty-first birthday.”

 

Wesley looked up from his cooking. “I don’t know, Dean.”

 

Dean smiled at him. “Come on, Wesley. How about if I promise to not have anything to drink except for water?”

 

“You would do that?”

 

“Yes. Now are you going to agree to this or am I going to have to keep pestering you until you do?”

 

Wesley chuckled. “Oh my God, fine. I’ll leave my birthday in your hands. Just don’t let it get too out of control, okay?”

 

Dean ruffled Wesley’s hair and Wesley attempted to bat him away.

 

“Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll take care of you.”

 

Wesley offered him a shy smile and Dean’s heart clenched. He sat at the table and watched as Wesley finished cooking their meal.

 

Wesley and Sam had been the best of friends. They had all met six years ago because Wesley was some sort of super genius and had just happened to be taking a class with Sam. Sam had always felt like an outcast himself, so while people either ignored Wesley or teased him, Sam had befriended Wesley.

 

It wasn’t long before Sam and Wesley had found common ground amongst their books and nerdiness. Wesley had started spending a lot of time at their house, and Dean had found himself attracted to Wesley’s shy nature, awkwardness, and even his brains. Wesley was a far cry from the types of people that Dean usually found himself attracted to, and even back then he had known that Wesley was special to him. It wasn’t just a crush. It wasn’t just an attraction. 

 

Back then it had been such a huge age difference. It had made him feel like such a pervert. He had pushed aside his feelings for Wesley but he had never really gotten over them. Now though, watching Wesley move around the kitchen, all of those feelings came rushing back. There was still a ten and half year difference between the two of them, but Wesley was a young man now. It was legal now, though Dean didn’t necessarily feel any better about it. 

 

Wesley brought the chicken to the table and served both of them. Dean cut off a piece of chicken and started chewing slowly. He had planned to tease Wesley by not letting him know how good the chicken was but that idea went out the window.

 

“Oh wow. This is delicious. This really is the best chicken ever.”

 

Wesley beamed at him. 

 

Dean shoveled more food into his mouth, wanting to devour it and wanting to savor it all at the same time. He was making noises that he could only guess were sexual in nature if the way Wesley was looking at him was any indication. 

 

Dean didn’t care though. The chicken was superb.

 

Wesley asked him about the shop and Dean asked Wesley about teaching. They both avoided the subject of Sam, though Dean knew that Wesley really wanted to talk about Sam. 

 

Maybe they could someday, especially since Wesley was back in town now. Dean just couldn’t do it yet. The pain was still too fresh.

 

Dean helped Wesley with the dishes after dinner and then Wesley walked him to the door.

 

“So thanks for taking care of my car and for having dinner with me tonight.”

 

“Yeah, well, thanks for making the best chicken dish ever. I’ll call you when your car is done. Are you good without one until then?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

 

Dean opened his arms for Wesley so they could hug. It was the best he could do because he had the strongest urge to kiss Wesley goodnight.

 

Wesley hugged him eagerly and Dean kissed the top of his head instead of kissing him the way he really wanted to. 

 

“Night, Wes.”

 

“Goodnight, Dean.”

 

Dean made his way back to his own apartment, which was nowhere near as nice as Wesley’s. He lived there alone. He was alone. He had been alone since Sam had died. He had been so lonely since Sam had died.

 

The constant ache inside of him had eased some though. Hanging out with Wesley had helped, even if that had brought up feelings that he had been trying to keep buried for so long. Things were so easy with Wesley though.

 

He missed Sam more than words could describe. It was like a part of him had died with Sam. Tonight, for the first time since Sam had died, Dean had been able to enjoy himself. Part of him felt guilty for that because Sam was his brother and he didn’t ever want to forget him or the fact that he was gone. Part of him felt relief though for finally having something in his life that could help ease his pain.

 

Wesley had come back to town just when Dean had needed him the most. 

 

*****

Wesley stumbled through the front door of his apartment leaning heavily on Dean. Wesley was seriously drunk. He dragged Wesley back to his bathroom anyway and gave him instructions to get in the shower.

 

Dean was going to have to stay the night to make sure that Wesley was okay. He rummaged through Wesley’s drawers looking for some clothes to wear. Wesley was smaller than him, but he found a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that might work. He changed quickly while Wesley was in the shower. The pants were a little too short and the shirt was a big snug but they fit well enough.

 

Dean sank down onto the bed and waited for Wesley to get out of the shower. The night had started off with Wesley trying to get out of going and now Wesley could barely stand up without any help. Though apparently Wesley trying to get out of going had nothing to do with alcohol, so Wesley had said. There was something that Wesley was hiding, Dean was sure of it. 

 

Dean had obviously managed to drag Wesley out of his apartment. He had promised to take Wesley to a restaurant instead of a club. 

 

True to his word, Dean had taken Wesley out to eat and had proceeded to ply him with alcohol, including making sure that Wesley had taken at least one birthday shot. One shot had turned out to be about two or three more than one, but still. 

 

The shower turned off and a minute later Wesley walked out with a towel around his waist. They both stared at each other for a moment. Dean swallowed hard at the sight of a mostly naked Wesley and then forced himself to talk. “I borrowed some of your clothes. I hope you don’t mind.”

 

Wesley licked his lips and shook his head. “It’s fine.”

 

“Okay, well I’m going to go get comfortable on the couch then. If you need anything just let me know.” He hurried out of Wesley’s room and threw himself down onto the couch and let out a groan. Things were so much easier when he was just looking to hook up with a girl, or a guy, for the night. Feelings made things difficult, and Dean didn’t like difficult. 

 

He heard strange noises coming from Wesley’s room and he let out a sigh. He should probably get up and make sure Wesley didn’t do some serious injury to himself. 

 

He found Wesley face down on his bed. Dean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. At least Wesley had managed to get dressed first. 

 

He walked over to the bed and gave Wesley a gentle shake. “Hey, kid. We need to get you into bed.”

 

“Already am.”

 

“Wes, I mean under the covers.”

 

He tugged the covers down as far as he could and then rolled Wesley, thankfully with some help from Wesley, to where he was supposed to be. He pulled the covers over Wesley and was about to leave the room when Wesley spoke up. “You’re wearing my clothes.”

 

Dean chuckled. Whatever moment of clarity that Wesley had experienced earlier was gone. He turned back around to face Wesley. “Yeah, sorry. Just wanna make sure you don’t die in your sleep or something, so I borrowed some clothes to sleep in so I can stay the night.”

 

Wesley smiled and then abruptly sat up. “I need water.”

 

Dean hurried over to the bed to push Wesley back down. “Okay. I’ll go get you a glass of water. You stay here.”

 

Dean figured Wesley would be asleep by the time he got back to the room but he filled up a glass with water anyway. To his surprise, Wesley was still awake when he got there.

 

Wesley sat up, much more slowly this time, and Dean handed Wesley the glass. He waited around until Wesley had finished the water, taking the glass and moving it out of harm’s way so Wesley wouldn’t knock it down.

 

Wesley wound his arms around Dean’s neck and kissed him before pulling him closer for a hug. Dean didn’t move. He was too shocked by what Wesley had just done. 

 

“Love you, Dean. Always have.”

 

He was even more shocked now but he forced himself to move. He didn’t want Wesley to feel bad if Dean didn’t hug him back so Dean wrapped one arm around Wesley and used his other hand to cup the back of Wesley’s head. He kissed the top of it but didn’t say anything. 

 

He held Wesley for a moment before gently pushing him back down onto the bed. Wesley was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Dean hurried out of the room as quietly as he could, shutting the light and running for the safety of the couch. 

 

Not that the couch was really safe, but the couch didn’t have Wesley on it at the moment. 

 

Despite the fact that Wesley was completely wasted, Dean had a feeling that Wesley had been telling the truth. Wesley didn’t strike him as the type to get drunk and do stupid, random shit. The alcohol probably just helped to loosen his tongue and then spill his guts to Dean. Maybe this was the secret that Dean had felt Wesley was hiding.

 

There was a chance that Wesley wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. Dean might have to pretend that nothing happened. Or Dean was going to have to deal with it if Wesley did remember. Dean honestly didn’t know which one he preferred. 

 

Dean groaned and buried his face in his hands. What a mess. All he had wanted to do was make it so that Wesley had a nice time for his birthday. 

 

Dean lay down and tried to sleep. He would deal with whatever happened in the morning and he and Wesley would get past it and remain friends at the very least. 

 

He couldn’t lose his friendship with Wesley. He had already lost too much.

 

***

 

The sound of Wesley hurling woke him in the morning. Ignoring his own needs, he got a glass of water for Wesley and found some painkillers too. He took them to the bathroom where Wesley was still puking. He set them on the counter for Wesley, gave Wesley’s back a quick rub, and then left him to it. 

 

There was another bathroom in the apartment so Dean went to take care of his own pressing needs, including finding a stash of toothbrushes and brushing his teeth. 

 

He was out of the bathroom and sitting on the couch before Wesley finally made it out of his own bathroom. 

 

“How’s that first hangover treating you?” he asked when he heard footsteps approaching the couch. 

 

He chuckled when Wesley let out a groan and plopped down onto the couch next to him. 

 

“You didn’t have to stay here with me.”

 

“I know. I just wanted to make sure that you would be okay.”

 

“Thanks for doing that. I appreciate it.”

 

“No thanks are necessary. Now, I could make us some breakfast if you think you’re up for eating.”

 

Wesley groaned again so Dean took that as a no. 

 

“Okay. No food then.”

 

Wesley curled up on the couch and relaxed against Dean. Instinctively, Dean wrapped his arm around Wesley’s shoulders and pulled him in closer. Wesley let out a sigh.

 

Wesley hadn’t brought up what had happened last night. He didn’t know if Wesley had forgotten what he had done or if Wesley was pretending to forget what he had done. He wasn’t acting any differently at any rate. 

 

“You okay, kid?”

 

“If you ever suggest drinking again, I’m going to punch you.”

 

Dean chuckled, which caused Wesley to groan.

 

“Sorry, Wes. Why don’t you go back to sleep?”

 

“Will you stay?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Wesley managed to get himself off the couch with a lot of effort. He wobbled a little and Dean shot up and wrapped an arm around his waist to help keep him steady. He helped Wesley into the bedroom and then into bed. 

 

“Just yell for me if you need anything, okay?”

 

“Okay. Thanks again, Dean.”

 

“And what did I tell you? No thanks necessary.”

 

Wesley smiled and closed his eyes. Dean left the bedroom so that Wesley could get some rest. Hangovers sucked. Dean knew that from experience. 

 

He rummaged around the kitchen for some food. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat at the small table alone. 

 

It must have been quite some time since Wesley had had someone to look out for him and take care of him. He had gone off to college at such a young age and Dean imagined he had probably had a rough time there being so much younger than everyone else. 

 

They had talked quite a bit since Wesley had been back in town, but Wesley hadn’t talked about any kind of social life. He talked about school but he had never mentioned any friends or any girlfriends or boyfriends or anything else that a typical college student might enjoy. 

 

Maybe Wesley didn’t really love Dean like he had proclaimed last night. Maybe he was just lonely and Dean was a friend. That made more sense than Wesley being in love with him. He had probably just misunderstood Wesley’s meaning. Or maybe Wesley just hadn’t been clear since he had been so drunk. 

 

Wesley would never be in love with him. If anything, he would have been perfect for Sam. Dean had nothing in common with Wesley. It was stupid to think that Wesley was in love with him. It was stupid to be in love with Wesley.

 

Dean finished his cereal and browsed Wesley’s bookshelf for something to read while Wesley was sleeping. Wesley was definitely a reader. He had such a huge variety of books, including what looked to be gay romance novels. 

 

Huh. He hadn’t known that about Wesley. He had always had his suspicions, but he had never had any confirmation.

 

Dean decided to grab one of the gay romance novels to see what they were all about. He got comfortable on the couch and began reading.

 

He had practically finished the entire book by the time Wesley finally managed to get out of bed again.

 

“Interesting choice in reading material,” Wesley commented as he sat down next to Dean. 

 

“Interesting choice of reading material for you to own,” Dean countered. 

 

Wesley cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his head. “Did Sam know?” Wesley asked.

 

“I think he knew, but it wasn’t something that either of us talked about. I never came out and said that I enjoyed men too but Sam was smart, as you know.”

 

“I had no idea. All those women that you used to sleep with. I would have never guessed that you like men too.”

 

Dean shrugged. “What about you? Did Sam know?”

 

Wesley nodded. “Yeah. Sam knew. I didn’t really have anyone else to talk to about it.”

 

“Are you like me or are you strictly guys?”

 

“Strictly guys.”

 

Dean decided that was enough sharing for one day. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Better. Still kind of gross but I’m hungry.”

 

“Well I’m not as great of a cook as you are, so you can have whatever I manage to cook or we can go out for some food.”

 

“If you don’t mind cooking I’d rather stay here and eat. I don’t feel like going out.”

 

“I can do that. Let’s see what you got.”

 

He put down the book he was reading and headed for the kitchen. He found some hamburger patties and was able to make them a couple of burgers on the stove. He would have preferred grilling them on a barbecue but this worked just fine.

 

They sat at the table together and ate in silence. Wesley still wasn’t acing like he had said or done anything to Dean last night so Dean pretended like nothing had happened too. He wished he knew if Wesley really didn’t remember or if Wesley was just pretending. Maybe Wesley was worried that he had screwed things up with Dean even though Dean wasn’t acting any differently. At least Dean didn’t think he was acting any differently.

 

“Well now that you’re up and feeling better, I should probably be heading out.”

 

Wesley looked disappointed but he nodded in agreement. “I suppose you should. Do you want to come over and have dinner with me sometime this week?”

 

Dean smiled at him. “Yeah. I’d love to.”

 

“Do you want to take that book with you to finish?” Wesley was smirking at him.

 

Dean was glad that he didn’t blush easily because otherwise he would have been blushing furiously right now. “May as well. I’m almost done with it.”

 

“You can take another one with you if you want. I’ve already read most of the things on that shelf.”

 

“I think you need new books then.”

 

“Didn’t you see the bookshelf in my bedroom? It’s full of books that I haven’t read yet.”

 

“I didn’t notice that. I was kind of busy taking care of you.”

 

Wesley smiled and blushed. Dean didn’t know if it was because he had mentioned that he had taken care of Wesley or if it was because Wesley remembered what he had done. For some reason that brought the memory up of Wesley’s first night back in town when he had blushed and quieted when Dean had discovered that Wesley had a secret he had never told to Sam.

 

Wesley got up and grabbed another book off of his shelf for Dean. He tossed it onto the couch where Dean had left the other book that he was reading. Dean walked over to the couch were Wesley was standing and gathered his things.

 

“Dean, thanks for taking me out last night and then for staying here with me today.”

 

Dean pulled him in for a hug. “I told you that you had nothing to thank me for. I had fun.”

 

Wesley squeezed him tightly before letting go. “I’ll call you about this week then?”

 

“I look forward to it.” He smiled at Wesley and then headed out.

 

He couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened between him and Wesley since Wesley had come back to town. He didn’t know what to make of any of it. 

 

Part of him wished Sam was here so that he could talk to Sam about it even though this wasn’t something that Dean usually talked to Sam about. He could use some advice now. He just wanted his brother here with him.

 

*****

Wesley had pretty much sworn off alcohol after his birthday, but Dean had picked up a bottle of wine for their dinner tonight anyway.

 

Wine. He couldn’t believe he was bringing wine. He should have brought beer. Beer wasn’t as nice though so he had decided to go with the wine instead. 

 

He had spent more time dressing than he normally would have, too. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t as if this was a date. It didn’t matter though. He was still nervous. 

 

He was completely insane.

 

He was such an idiot.

 

He didn’t know why he was treating this like a date. It wasn’t like he had any reason to believe it was one. Wesley had certainly never given any indication that that’s what it was supposed to be. All he had done was ask Dean over for dinner. It wasn’t like this was something new for them. They hung out. They ate together. That’s what friends did. They had meals together.

 

When Wesley opened the door, Dean felt better. Wesley, it appeared, had taken extra care in getting ready for tonight as well. That made Dean feel a bit better.

 

“I brought wine,” Dean stated, smiling at Wesley and holding out the bottle of wine for him. Wesley eyed it suspiciously. Dean rolled his eyes and snorted. “One glass isn’t going to make you drunk or hungover, kid.”

 

Wesley pouted at Dean, but took the bottle of wine and stepped aside so Dean could walk in.

 

“Did you have a good week?” Wesley asked him.

 

Dean nodded. “It wasn’t too bad. I stayed busy at work so that was good. How about you?”

 

Wesley shrugged. “Just trying to prepare myself for the school year.”

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

“Very.”

 

“I don’t know why. You shouldn’t be. I’m sure you’ll be great.”

 

Wesley smiled appreciatively but Dean was sure that Wesley wasn’t reassured by Dean’s comment. Or maybe Dean’s comment did make him feel better but he was just too nervous for it to really matter.

 

Wesley pulled out a corkscrew and then stared at the bottle. Dean chuckled and took the wine and the corkscrew from Wesley’s hands. “I’ll take care of the wine and you can take care of the food.”

 

“Like I would even let you take care of the food.” Wesley smirked at him.

 

“Fine. See if I ever cook for you again,” he teased. Wesley smiled at him and then turned his attention back to the food he was cooking. 

 

They worked side by side together like they had been maneuvering around in the same kitchen together for ages. Dean hadn’t felt this comfortable around anyone ever, except for Sam. 

 

Dean did his best to ignore the warm, fluttery feeling in his stomach. His feelings for Wesley had always been strong, but since Wesley had come back to town and they had been hanging out, Dean’s feelings were quickly growing into something that there would be no coming back from. 

 

Dean poured the wine as Wesley divided up the food onto two separate dishes for them. They brought everything to the table and dug in. 

 

Dinner was a mostly silent affair with Dean prodding Wesley to talk about his upcoming teaching job. He wished Wesley wasn’t so nervous. Wesley would be perfect. 

 

For dessert, Wesley had baked a pie. He set a piece in front of Dean and Dean perked up. “Pie!”

 

“Yeah, I know how much you love it.”

 

Dean was already shoveling a forkful into his mouth. Wesley laughed at him and Dean grinned sheepishly. He never could control himself when it came to pie. Sam used to tease him about it all the time too. 

 

Wesley didn’t seem to mind the enthusiasm. It made Wesley smile as he sat down and dug into his own pie with almost as much gusto as Dean had. 

 

This was nice. Dean missed this. He and Sam used to have dinners like this together. It was nice that if Dean couldn’t share dinners like this with Sam, then he could have them with Wesley.

 

It didn’t matter if Wesley was in love with him or not. As long as Dean could keep this, as long as he and Wesley could remain friends, he would be happy.

 

“Dean, I don’t know how school is going to go but I was thinking that we could have like a weekly dinner thing. If you wanted.”

 

“Yeah. I’d like that. Do you think you’ll get too busy to have dinners with me?”

 

Wesley shook his head. “I can’t imagine that things will get that bad, but you never know. I hope they don’t. I’d like to have weekly dinners with you. I’m more worried about getting completely overwhelmed and being just awful at it.”

 

“You’re going to be just fine, Wesley.”

 

Wesley tilted his head and looked at him. “You keep saying that.”

 

“Saying what? That you’ll be fine? That’s because it’s true.”

 

“How can you know that?”

 

Dean shrugged. “You’ve always been capable even if you were always a little awkward. You’re going to be fantastic, I guarantee it.”

 

Wesley blushed which made Dean laugh. “I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but you have to know that it’s true.”

 

Wesley nodded. “I know. I’m still awkward. I don’t think I’ll ever not be awkward.”

 

He wanted to tell Wesley that he had always thought that his awkwardness was adorable, but he wasn’t sure how Wesley would take it so he kept his mouth shut. 

 

“I wish Sam was here to talk to about this.”

 

“He’s definitely better at talking about things than I am.”

 

“That’s not why I wish he was here. What I meant was that he would understand exactly what I’m going through. He’s just so similar to me.”

 

“Well, I’m always here to talk to if you need to.”

 

“I know. And I’m here for you too if you ever want to talk about Sam.”

 

“Thanks, but I still don’t think I can. It’s hard enough whenever we bring him up in conversation. I don’t think I could focus entirely on him.”

 

“I think it would be good if you did.”

 

“Wesley, I know you want to, but I just can’t yet.”

 

Wesley nodded and didn’t say anything else. Dean felt bad about ruining their perfectly nice evening, but he just wasn’t ready to talk about Sam. 

 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Wesley stated after they had finished their pie.

 

Dean sighed. “No, I’m sorry.”

 

“I shouldn’t have pushed.”

 

“You didn’t. Not really. I’m just still so… I miss him so much, Wesley.”

 

“I know, Dean” Wesley moved his chair around the table to sit next to Dean. He put his arms around Dean and held him.

 

Dean buried his face in Wesley’s neck but he didn’t let himself cry. Instead, he breathed in Wesley’s scent and let it soothe him. 

 

He held Wesley as tightly as he dared until he had himself under control. Reluctantly, he pushed Wesley away from him and got out of his seat. “I should go now.”

 

“You don’t have to, Dean. It’s okay.”

 

“Thanks for dinner. I’m really sorry about the way things turned out. I hope that doesn’t turn you off from trying again next week.”

 

“No, I definitely still want to do this again next week.”

 

“I’ll see you next week then. Goodnight, Wesley.”

 

“Night, Dean.”

 

Dean hurried out of Wesley’s place and into his car. He felt bad about running out of Wesley’s like that, but Dean really knew how to screw up a good thing. He should have just let Wesley talk about Sam if he wanted to. Just because he didn’t want to talk about Sam didn’t mean that Wesley shouldn’t be able to.

 

And they had been having such a nice night too. Dean had gotten the feeling that Wesley had seen their dinner as more of a date, and Dean really liked the idea of that because he had certainly felt that way during dinner.

 

Dean got into bed alone. He wished he had Wesley by his side, warming his bed. He rolled onto his side with his arm outstretched as if there was someone else in bed with him. He hugged a pillow to his body and sighed. 

 

As much as he loved his friendship with Wesley, he wondered if he could keep the friendship going when he wanted so much more from Wesley. 

 

“Sammy, I don’t know what to do. Why aren’t you here to help me? Why did you have to leave me? I miss you so much.”

 

Dean stifled a sob. He got out of bed and wandered around his apartment. He looked towards his liquor bottles, but he knew he shouldn’t. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to. He just didn’t know if he was strong enough to resist. 

 

With a sigh he pulled out a glass and a bottle and poured himself a drink. He had the glass to his lips when there was a knock at the door. He grumbled but got up to answer it. 

 

“Wesley? What are you doing here?”

 

“You were upset when you left and I was worried about you.”

 

“I’m fine, Wes.”

 

Wesley looked past him into the apartment and saw the drink sitting on the table.

 

Dean sighed. “That’s my first glass. I was about to drink that when you knocked.”

 

Wesley pushed past him and grabbed the glass from the table. He took it to the sink and dumped it out. “You should call me if you’re feeling upset instead of turning to alcohol.”

 

“I’m a grown man, Wesley. I can take care of myself.”

 

Wesley crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Dean. 

 

“Don’t look at me like that. I was doing just fine before you came back to town. I was handling things on my own. I don’t need your help.”

 

Wesley’s face fell and Dean saw tears in Wesley’s eyes. 

 

“Well maybe I need yours,” Wesley whispered.

 

“Shit,” Dean muttered, closing the distance between him and Wesley and pulling him into his arms. “I knew you guys stayed in touch but I had no idea how close you were.”

 

“He understood what it was like to be smart and different. He was the only friend I had. I could talk to him about anything.”

 

Almost anything. There was a secret that Wesley had kept from Sam, and Dean wondered if it was that Wesley was in love with his older brother. That would be something he could see Wesley keeping from Sam.

 

“I’m sorry, Wesley. I had no idea.” He led Wesley over to the couch and sat him down, keeping Wesley in his arms. “Wesley, if you want to talk about Sam, you can.”

 

“But you don’t want to.”

 

“No, I don’t, but if you need to, you can.”

 

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to upset you.”

 

“Maybe we should try and get together more than once a week,” Dean suggested. 

 

Wesley sniffled and then raised his head to look at Dean. “Yeah. Maybe we should.” He gave Dean a small smile and then pulled away, wiping the tears from his face.

 

“You should stay here tonight.”

 

“Okay. I think that would be good for the both of us.”

 

“I think you’re right.” He went off in search of clothes and sheets for Wesley. 

 

“He’s a good kid, Sammy. He should be with someone better than me. You were a better match for him. But at the same time, he makes me happy and I think I make him happy too. This might work, Sammy. This might just work.”

 

Dean found the sheets and some clothes that Wesley could sleep in and brought them out to the living room. Wesley took them from him and set them down on the couch. 

 

“Thanks, Dean. And I’m sorry I just showed up like that.”

 

Dean pulled Wesley into a hug. “Don’t be. I’m glad you showed up.” He kissed the top of Wesley’s head. “Goodnight.”

 

“Night, Dean.”

 

Dean left Wesley alone and headed back to his bedroom. Dean really was glad that Wesley had shown up when he did. Wesley had stopped him from drinking himself into oblivion, and now Wesley was staying here with him. Dean slept easily for the first time in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

The kitchen smelled heavenly. Wesley had really outdone himself. There was more than enough food for just two people. Dean had a feeling that Wesley was overcompensating for Dean, trying to make him feel better about not having Sam around for the holidays. Wesley was thoughtful like that, and Dean sure as hell appreciated it. 

 

The holidays were going to be hard, Dean missed Sam terribly, but at least he wasn’t completely miserable. Wesley had seen to that. Wesley had saved him. They had saved each other. 

 

It was hard to just be Wesley’s friend when he wanted so much more, and at times he had thought about calling the whole thing off and pushing Wesley out of his life. Dean was afraid of what might happen though. He was clinging to Wesley as if he was a lifeline, and sometimes Dean wondered if that wasn’t really a metaphor. And what if he was Wesley’s lifeline? Those thoughts terrified him. 

 

Right now they were tied to each other, for better or for worse, so Dean had to push his feelings aside so that he could just survive. 

 

Wesley was the one who had insisted they do Thanksgiving together, which was why Dean found himself in Wesley’s kitchen now with Wesley cooking way too much food and entertaining Dean with tales of his students.

 

“So there are two of them?” Dean asked.

 

“One girl and one boy.”

 

“And both of them claim to be in love with you?”

 

“Nobody is claiming anything, Dean. All they’ve done is strongly implied that they would do anything to keep from failing the class.”

 

“So all they really want is good grades.”

 

Wesley snorted. “Well it’s not as if they would want me.”

 

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

Wesley shook his head. “It doesn’t matter if you meant it like that or not. It’s the truth.”

 

“Wesley, there’s no way that could possibly be true.”

 

Wesley just shrugged and focused on his cooking. There was a slump in his shoulders that hadn’t been there earlier, and Dean had been the one to put it there. He could kick himself. 

 

As much as he hated seeing Wesley like this, curiosity got the better of him. “Wesley, have you never had sex before?”

 

Wesley laughed bitterly. “Yeah. Right. The social outcast having sex? Come on, Dean.”

 

“I guess I just don’t understand how that’s possible.”

 

Wesley looked at him. He was still upset but he smiled softly. “Thanks, Dean, but can we drop that subject now?”

 

Dean nodded. “Sure. We can do that. So what are you going to do about those students? Have they been pestering you about it? Have they been harassing you?”

 

“They both only approached me once. I’m hoping that was the first and last I’ll hear of it. I could probably get them into a lot of trouble if I tell, but at the same time it’s just my word against theirs and it’s not like I have any proof. I’m just hoping this will all go away.”

 

“What if it turns out they actually are attracted to you. You could sleep with them once school is over, right?”

 

“I could, but there’s no way I’m going to.” Wesley sighed. “All I wanted to do was teach.”

 

Dean bumped his shoulder against Wesley’s. “Hey, what do I always tell you?”

 

Wesley rolled his eyes. “That I’ll be fine.”

 

“And you will be.”

 

Wesley smiled at him so sweetly that it was all Dean could do to not lean in and kiss him. He moved away from Wesley and busied himself with setting the table since the food was almost done. 

 

The urge to kiss Wesley was becoming harder and harder to control. The last thing Dean wanted to do was kiss Wesley unsuspectingly. He needed to know that Wesley wanted this too before he did anything. He didn’t want Wesley to feel like he was being pressured into anything. 

 

The table was too small to hold all of the food that Wesley had made, so they arranged the dishes on the counter like a buffet. Dean piled as much food onto his plate as he could before sitting down.

 

They ate in silence. Dean was too busy appreciating how good the food was to want to stop eating so he could talk. Wesley seemed happy enough to leave the meal in silence so Dean didn’t feel too bad about not talking. 

 

“Thanks for doing this,” Dean said, breaking the silence. 

 

“It was my pleasure, Dean. No need for either of us to be alone during the holidays.”

 

“This certainly makes things easier.”

 

“Good. That’s good.”

 

They finished the rest of their meal in silence, both of them getting up at least once to pile more food onto their plates. Wesley had definitely outdone himself. The food was so good that Dean considered eating well past the point of feeling overstuffed. 

 

Dean groaned and pushed himself away from the table. “I really want to pile up another plate with food. I really shouldn’t though.”

 

“You definitely shouldn’t. You have to have at least a little room for pumpkin pie.”

 

Dean grinned and took his dishes to the sink. Wesley was right behind him. He sighed at the dishes in the sink and all of the food still on the counter.

 

“Come on, Wes. We can clean up later. We should enjoy pie now.”

 

Wesley laughed. “You would say that.”

 

They took their pie, and whipped cream, to the couch so they could relax in front of the TV. They found a Christmas movie marathon on because Christmas season had officially begun. Dean never understood why Christmas had to start so early. It made Christmas less enjoyable. 

 

Full from their big meal, they both fell into a food coma, the Christmas movies playing on in the background. When Dean woke up he found that they had somehow maneuvered themselves in their sleep so that Wesley was lying in Dean’s arms. 

 

Dean didn’t move, didn’t breathe. He didn’t want to do anything that would wake Wesley up. He didn’t want to do anything that would alert Wesley to their close proximity. Not yet. He wanted to enjoy this while he could.

 

It wasn’t the first time that they had relaxed like this, but that had been a while ago and things had changed since then. Dean wasn’t sure how Wesley would take this when he woke up. 

 

Dean had hoped that Wesley wouldn’t wake up for a while longer, but it was only a few minutes later when Wesley stirred in his arms. He blinked a couple of times, yawned, stretched, and then looked up at Dean. Wesley’s eyes widened and he moved off of Dean as quickly as he could. “Sorry, sorry.”

 

Dean chortled. “It’s okay. It’s not as if you’re heavy or anything.”

 

Wesley snorted and grabbed their pie plates, taking them into the kitchen. Dean followed him. “I guess we should clean up this mess now.”

 

“I can take care of it.”

 

“No. You cooked. The least I can do is help clean.”

 

“It’s not as if I would have let you cook.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and shoved Wesley away from the sink. “You can put the food away while I clean.”

 

“How big of a plate do you want me to send you home with?”

 

“As big as you can make it.”

 

“Why am I not surprised?”

 

“You’re the one who asked.”

 

“I know. Silly me. What was I thinking?”

 

“I’m not sure thinking was what you were doing.”

 

“You watch it or I’ll give you nothing.”

 

Dean pouted at Wesley and Wesley pointed a finger at him. “Nothing.”

 

“You’re so mean to me.”

 

“Hah. You mean I’m the best person ever.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Definitely.”

 

He loved the back and forth he had with Wesley. It was so easy and so natural. It was the same kind of relationship he had shared with Sam. And instead of making him sad, that thought actually made him smile. 

 

“What are you smiling about?”

 

“I was just thinking about how our relationship was similar to what I used to have with Sam.”

 

Wesley’s smile was tight and Dean realized that he just compared his relationship with Wesley to the one he had shared with his brother. He may as well have told Wesley that he saw him as a little brother.

 

“I just meant the easiness of it. I can be myself around you and we have fun.”

 

Wesley nodded but didn’t anything. One sentence and Dean had screwed up their entire holiday.

 

“I don’t see you as my little brother, just so you know,” he admitted. Maybe he was admitting too much, but he didn’t want to leave Wesley’s place with Wesley feeling down. 

 

“Good to know.”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

Wesley held his gaze and must have seen that Dean was telling the truth. “Okay. Good.”

 

Dean almost let out a sigh of relief, but held it back just in time. Instead, he smiled at Wesley and then went back to cleaning the dishes. 

 

Dean didn’t want to go home, but he didn’t want to beg Wesley to let him stay here. He knew that once he got home, the loneliness would engulf him and it would feel like he was trying to keep his head above water. Wesley really was his lifeline.

 

Dean sighed. “It’s getting late. I should probably get going.”

 

Wesley nodded but didn’t look at him. Dean desperately wanted Wesley to ask him to stay, but since that wasn’t going to happen he wanted to make sure that things between them didn’t get awkward. He put a hand on Wesley’s shoulder and squeezed. Wesley turned around and smiled at him, surprising Dean by moving in to hug him. Dean hugged him back and kissed the top of his head. 

 

Dean didn’t want to let go. Dean didn’t want to move. Dean didn’t want to leave. 

 

Dean pulled out of the hug and stepped away from Wesley. “See you in a few days?”

 

“Yes. Definitely.”

 

He left Wesley’s place more than a little confused. He wasn’t sure what to do about Wesley. It seemed like Wesley was interested in Dean, but Dean wasn’t entirely sure and he didn’t want to spook Wesley if he wasn’t.

 

He would worry that Wesley only thought of him as an older brother, but Wesley’s reaction when he thought Dean was implying he was a little brother killed that theory. That was something at least because it would have been so much worse than if Wesley only wanted to be friends with Dean. 

 

Dean got into his car and banged his head against the steering wheel, groaning. He turned the key in the ignition and left. If he stayed at Wesley’s place any longer then he might go back in and do something stupid, and Dean wasn’t willing to risk Wesley’s friendship by doing something stupid. 

 

He was better off going home. At least there he wasn’t in danger of doing anything really stupid. Wesley had made him get rid of all of his alcohol, and Dean hadn’t been willing to fight him on it. He had a point, after all. It would be too easy to lose himself in alcohol. It was just too tempting.

 

He stopped at Sam’s grave on the way back to his place. He told Sam about his Thanksgiving with Wesley and how he still didn’t know what to do about him. Sam was a good listener. Sam had always been a good listener. Dean had just never wanted to talk. Dean had changed so much since Sam had died. “You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore, Sammy.” Dean chuckled and got up. Dean had a feeling that if Sam was still here, he would approve of Dean’s friendship with Wesley and would even be okay with a romantic relationship. That thought cheered Dean.

 

There would be no dying from loneliness tonight. 

 

*****

 

The lights on the tree were twinkling and the apartment smelled like hot chocolate and freshly baked cookies. Christmas music was playing softly in the background and he and Wesley were relaxing on the couch, bodies pressed together, Dean’s arm relaxing on the back of the couch close enough to Wesley that he could just rest his arm along Wesley’s shoulders if he wanted to. 

 

It was cozy, and he was warm and happy. He had been so worried that after Thanksgiving things would wind up being weird between them. There had been no reason for Dean to worry.

 

Instead of things becoming awkward between the two of them, they seemed to have grown closer instead. They touched more often, hugs and a lingering hand on the shoulder, Dean tousling Wesley’s hair, and even almost, but not quite, curling up together on the couch. 

 

They were affectionate with each other but they hadn’t taken things further. Dean wasn’t used to that. Dean wasn’t used to relationships, period. It usually wasn’t his thing; he was more into one night stands, but he had been in love with Wesley for years now. It was terrifying. 

 

It was late in the day on Christmas Eve and Dean really should get going. He had plans to come back over tomorrow for Christmas, and he even had plans to come back the day after Christmas because they were going to the movies together. 

 

Dean had spare clothes in his car, just in case. He honestly didn’t think he would be using them, but he was hopeful. Things between him and Wesley had been so good recently, so Dean had hope. 

 

“I should probably get going soon.”

 

“Why don’t you just stay here?”

 

“I don’t know. I remember sleeping on the couch. It wasn’t very comfortable.”

 

Wesley snorted. “You can crash with me. The bed is big enough.”

 

Dean raised his eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?”

 

Wesley rolled his eyes. “We’re both adults, Dean. I think we can handle sharing a bed.”

 

“I have some spare clothes in the car. I’ll just go grab them.” Dean got off the couch and was about to walk out, but he stopped when he saw the look on Wesley’s face. “What?”

 

“You were prepared?”

 

Dean shrugged. “You never know what’s going to happen.”

 

Wesley nodded, but he looked like didn’t believe Dean, like Dean had been so sure that he was going to stay the night here with Wesley. Wesley didn’t exactly look upset about it.

 

Dean decided to ignore it for the moment in favor of going outside to get the clothes from his car. When Dean got back inside the apartment Wesley had already put away their dirty dishes and had shut off the lights minus the ones on the Christmas tree and the one in the bedroom and the night lights. Dean knew his way around the apartment well enough, but he was glad for the night lights around the apartment anyway.

 

“Were you hoping I would run into something on my way back here?”

 

Wesley laughed. “Please. I knew you would be able to find your way here with no problem.”

 

Dean shook his head and took his bag with him into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth, relieved himself, and changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt to sleep in. He took a few minutes to just breathe and attempt to calm down. He wasn’t sure sharing a bed with Wesley was such a good idea, but he hoped it wasn’t. 

 

Wesley was sitting in bed reading when Dean finally left the bathroom. He dumped his bag next to the bed and then climbed in next to Wesley. He lay on his side just watching Wesley read. 

 

“Are you going to stare at me, or would you like to borrow a book so you can read too?”

 

“I’m not staring and I don’t need a book.”

 

Wesley huffed but didn’t say anything else, so Dean continued to watch him read until he felt his eyelids growing heavy.

 

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he was aware of was rain pouring down outside and Wesley wrapped up in his arms, asleep. 

 

Dean was hard and pressed up against Wesley. If Wesley woke up there was no way he wouldn’t be able to feel it. 

 

Slowly, carefully, Dean disentangled himself from Wesley. He slipped out of bed and shut himself in the bathroom. As quickly and quietly as possible, Dean took care of his little problem and then slipped back into bed with Wesley. Wesley sighed and scooted closer to Dean, slinging an arm around him. Dean wrapped his arms around Wesley and kissed the top of his head. He could always claim that he had done it in his sleep, the same way that Wesley had slung an arm around Dean in his sleep. 

 

Dean didn’t sleep again. He lie awake and stroked Wesley’s back, listening to the rain coming down outside.

 

Around dawn, Wesley stirred in his arms. He stiffened, probably realizing that he was lying in Dean’s arms.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Hey, Wesley.” 

 

Wesley didn’t say anything, didn’t even move. Instead, he relaxed in Dean’s arms and they lay there together. They didn’t talk or move until Dean’s need to pee finally grew too urgent to ignore. He tried to shift Wesley off of him, but Wesley grumbled in protest. 

 

“Well unless you want me to pee in your bed, you need to let me up.”

 

Wesley rolled onto his back and watched Dean get out of bed. He was sitting up when Dean came out of the bathroom. He got up and walked past Dean without a word. Dean didn’t know if Wesley was ignoring him or if Wesley was just going to the bathroom. 

 

Dean changed quickly while Wesley was in the bathroom and headed out to the kitchen. He figured he could get a start on breakfast even though Wesley was definitely the better cook. Dean could at least manage scrambled eggs. 

 

Wesley joined him in the kitchen a few minutes later. They cooked together, which had actually become something of a normal routine for them in the months since they had started having dinner together. Wesley did most of the cooking, but sometimes Dean helped with instruction from Wesley.

 

They had breakfast together at the table and then moved into the living room to sit on the couch in front of the TV. They found a Christmas movie playing and Wesley settled himself against Dean as they watched. Dean wrapped his arm around Wesley and pulled him even closer.

 

Whatever was happening between them, if there was in fact something happening, they were apparently not talking about it. That was fine with Dean. And if there was something happening between them, then it looked like they were going to take things slow. That was also fine with Dean. 

 

Then again, Dean could be reading things completely wrong and this could just be some comfort for the two of them for the holidays. Dean didn’t think he was reading things wrong though. 

 

They spent the entire day lounging on the couch wrapped up in each other. They only moved from the couch when they needed to use the bathroom or when they needed to eat. 

 

They hadn’t bought gifts for each other. They had agreed on that weeks ago, so there was nothing under the tree. They had overcompensated for the lack of gifts with an overabundance of tree decorations, and decorations in general. Wesley’s apartment had barfed up Christmas. 

 

That night when they went to bed, they didn’t even bother starting on opposite sides of the bed. Dean pulled Wesley into his arms and fell easily into sleep.

 

***

 

It was still raining when they woke up in the morning, so they dressed warmly for the movie and headed out. 

 

They were standing at the snack bar ordering drinks and popcorn when a voice called out, “Mr. Crusher?”

 

Dean and Wesley both turned around and saw a group of girls and guys standing there. They must be some of Wesley’s students. 

 

“Oh, hi guys. How is your winter break going?”

 

“It’s fine,” one of the girls replied. They were all giving Dean and Wesley strange looks. Dean didn’t like how they were being looked at. It made him uncomfortable. It made him feel like they were judging him, and judging him and Wesley.

 

“Come on, Wes. We should go get out seats.”

 

Wesley nodded and then smiled at the group. “See you guys in January.”

 

A couple of the kids said goodbye but they were mostly just looking at them funny still. 

 

Dean waited until they were seated before he started conversation. “I guess those were students of yours.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“I don’t like the way they were looking at us.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I don’t like the way they were looking at us. Just be careful, okay?”

 

“You think they had a problem with me being here with a guy?”

 

“It’s a small town, Wesley. We’re probably part of only a handful of people that don’t attend church on Sundays. I think it could very well be a problem.”

 

“What about that guy who offered sexual favors in exchange for a good grade? Do you really think these students are going to have a problem?”

 

Dean shrugged. “I’m not sure. I just think you should be careful.”

 

“I will be. I promise.” Wesley smiled at him and then dug into his popcorn. 

 

They weren’t even halfway through the movie when Wesley curled into him. “I’m cold,” he muttered. Dean wrapped his arms around Wesley and pulled him in close. Wesley let out a contented sigh. 

 

Dean didn’t know how much more he could take of this without doing anything more. He could never go back to being just Wesley’s friend. He hoped that things between them hadn’t been completely screwed up. 

 

*****

 

New Year’s Eve found him at Wesley’s apartment again. They had been playing board games and watching movies for hours, and it was finally time to actually start watching New Year’s stuff on TV. 

 

Dean was nervous about tonight. It was tradition to kiss someone at midnight, but would he and Wesley kiss? And if they did, would they play it off as just a New Year’s kiss and nothing more? Dean should have told Wesley he had made other plans with some buddies from work. 

 

He had actually almost done that, but Wesley had looked so hopeful when he asked Dean over for New Year’s. Dean hadn’t had it in him to say no. 

 

Dean was tired of not knowing what was between him and Wesley. He was pretty sure that he was going to kiss Wesley once the clock struck midnight. If Wesley hated it, he could always play it off as just a New Year’s kiss. And then he would have his answer too, about how Wesley really felt. 

 

Then again, did he really want to know? Would it be better knowing that Wesley only saw him as a good friend and nothing more? At least now there was hope that Wesley could return his feelings.

 

Dean had never been more confused in his life. Was this what Sam had gone through with all of those girls he had had crushes on back in school? It had always been easy judging if a girl, or a guy, had wanted to sleep with him. This was so much harder. 

 

Wesley shifted against him and found what was presumably a more comfortable position. He had been in Dean’s arms for hours now, but the night was coming to an end. The ball was about to drop.

 

“We should probably go get the champagne,” Wesley suggested, even though he was the one who had just shifted to a more comfortable position.

 

“I suppose we should.”

 

It seemed they were both reluctant to move though as neither of them even so much as twitched. Finally, with a sigh, Wesley pulled out of Dean’s embrace and got off the couch. Since Wesley had already left him Dean had no problem getting off the couch and following Wesley into the kitchen. Dean opened the champagne and poured them both a glass.

 

There was counting coming from the television. The moment was finally here. 

 

And he wasn’t nervous. He was going to do this. 

 

At the stroke of midnight, they clinked their glasses together and drank. Dean nearly choked on his because he started laughing at the face that Wesley made.

 

“Shut up,” Wesley grumbled. 

 

It was the opportunity that Dean had been waiting for. He laughed and grasped Wesley’s chin in his hand. He leaned in and kissed Wesley, a gentle press of their lips. 

 

He pulled away and Wesley was smiling. Dean stepped away from Wesley, unsure of what to do now. He finished off the rest of his champagne and watched Wesley do the same. 

 

“Do you want to stay up for a bit longer, or do you want to call it a night?”

 

“I’m getting old. I’m exhausted. Let’s call it a night.”

 

Wesley rolled his eyes. “You’re not old.”

 

“Still, let’s go to bed.”

 

Wesley nodded in agreement. They cleaned up their mess, locked up for the night, and headed to Wesley’s room. They took turns in the bathroom and soon they were lying next to each other in bed. 

 

There was tension between them that hadn’t been there before. Ever. 

 

Dean had screwed up by kissing Wesley. Of course he had. He’d been so stupid. He hadn’t been able to hold back any longer though. 

 

Wesley huffed and kicked off the sheets. He sat up and turned the lights on and then glared at Dean. 

 

“What?”

 

“The kiss. Was that just a New Year’s kiss?”

 

Dean groaned and sat up. He supposed it was a good thing that they were going to talk about this. It needed to be done.

 

“Did you want it to be something more?”

 

Wesley bit his lower lip and avoided looking at Dean. Dean’s breath caught and he moved closer to Wesley. He cupped Wesley’s cheek with his hand, forcing Wesley to look at him as he did so. 

 

“I thought you would think that I was too young or that you would never see me as more than your little brother’s friend,” Wesley admitted.

 

“Shit.” Dean had honestly not even thought about the fact that Wesley was worried that Dean couldn’t possibly return his feelings. Dean was an idiot. But at least he could fix this. 

 

He brought his other hand up so that he could cup Wesley’s face and kissed him. Despite wanting to devour Wesley, he kept the kiss gentle, easing Wesley into something deeper. He slipped his tongue into Wesley’s mouth and Wesley groaned. 

 

The kiss became frantic and Wesley crawled onto Dean’s lap. He wanted Wesley, he did, but he wanted to do this right. He’d never had a relationship before and neither had Wesley. He wanted to take his time. 

 

Gently he pushed Wesley off of his lap. Wesley looked at him with wide eyes and a pout. “Don’t you want this?”

 

“I do, but you’ve never had a relationship and neither have I. I just want to take things slowly. I want to do things right.”

 

Wesley snorted but tried to cover it up by coughing. Dean moved to get out of bed but Wesley stopped him, wrapping himself tightly around Dean so Dean couldn’t escape, though with Wesley around him like this he wasn’t really sure that he wanted to anymore.

 

“I’m sorry. It’s sweet. And I think it’s a good idea. I’m okay with it. I promise.”

 

Dean nodded. “Get the light. We should try and sleep now.”

 

Wesley unwrapped himself from Dean and shut the light, plunging the room into darkness. They lay side by side. Dean rested a hand on Wesley’s hip. There was something he needed to know.

 

“Wesley, do you remember what happened the night of your birthday?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did you mean what you said?”

 

Wesley leaned in and kissed Dean. “I have since before I left. I knew then that I was too young. I was afraid that I still might be.”

 

Dean wound his arms around Wesley and pulled him in for a kiss. He kept things slow and lazy, hoping to help keep Wesley from getting too worked up. He knew that that would happen anyway, but he didn’t want to make it worse than it was already going to be. 

 

“I feel the same way, you know,” Dean murmured against his lips. “Have for a long time.”

 

“But I was too young?”

 

“Oh yeah. Still are, but at least you’re legal now. And I’ve had plenty of time to get over the age difference. Doesn’t bother me anymore.”

 

“Are you sure, Dean? I don’t want to make things uncomfortable or awkward between us.”

 

Dean chuckled. “I’ve been worrying about doing that for some time now. I was worried I had done that tonight by kissing you.”

 

“I’m glad you kissed me. I’m glad you took the risk.”

 

“Yeah, so am I.”

 

Wesley kissed him and then settled down so that he was curled up around Dean. Dean smiled and kissed the top of Wesley’s head. 

 

The risk had been worth it.

 

He couldn’t help but think what Sam would say if he could see Dean now. He hoped Sam would be happy that his brother and his friend had found love with each other. In fact, Dean was pretty sure that’s how Sam would feel. 

 

With that thought in mind, Dean drifted happily off into slumber.

 

*****

Dean was racing to Wesley’s apartment as fast as he dared. He had gotten a text from Wesley earlier asking him to come over as soon as he got off of work. No matter how many more text messages Dean sent, Wesley refused to tell him what was wrong until he got there. Dean was officially worried. He didn’t think it was anything life threatening though because he figured that Wesley wouldn’t be so relaxed about the whole thing. Not that Wesley was relaxed, but he wasn’t freaking out on a level that suggested long term illness or something.

 

He didn’t bother knocking when he got to Wesley’s place. He assumed that Wesley would have left the door open for him and he was right. He walked in and found Wesley curled up on the couch. Dean didn’t see any signs that something was physically wrong, something that Dean had definitely been worried about, but there was no doubt that Wesley was upset. No, that wasn’t right. Disappointed, maybe?

 

“Wesley?”

 

“Dean. You made it.”

 

“Of course I did. Did you expect me not to show?” He sat down next to Wesley and pulled Wesley into his arms. “Now, tell me what happened, Wes.”

 

“I got fired.”

 

Dean stiffened and tried to quell the anger that was rising inside of him. He knew what this was about. There was no way it couldn’t be.

 

“What happened?”

 

“They made up some crap reason. Said I did something that I didn’t do. Also told me that a couple of students complained about me.”

 

“The same students who saw us at the movies together?”

 

“They wouldn’t tell me who, but that would be my guess.”

 

“Wes, I’m so sorry. I know how much you loved that job.”

 

Wesley buried his face in Dean’s neck, and Dean could feel the tears that Wesley was shedding. 

 

“Do you know what you’re going to do now?”

 

Wesley shook his head.

 

“Okay. No need to figure out anything right now.”

 

He held Wesley as he cried. It made Dean want to punch someone. What a sorry state this world was in when a man who loved another man was fired for that very reason, when a man loving another man was seen as the worst possible sin. Didn’t these people realize they were destroying lives and not making things better? How was it okay to hurt anyone ever? Dean just couldn’t understand it. People were monsters. 

 

Wesley’s tears subsided after a while, but Dean didn’t let him go. He didn’t know how to fix this. It wasn’t that Wesley had been fired that was upsetting him, it was the reason he had been fired. No person should ever have to go through that. 

 

“I’m exhausted,” Wesley stated not long after his tears had dried.

 

“I’m not surprised. Maybe we should go take a nap.”

 

“But that involves moving.”

 

“I could carry you if you really want me to.”

 

Wesley groaned and dragged himself out of Dean’s arms and off of the couch. Dean followed him into the bedroom and climbed in next to him. Wesley was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Dean wrapped his arms around Wesley and kissed the top of his head. 

 

It wasn’t fair. Dean wished he could fix things for Wesley. He wished he could make all of this go away. He wished people didn’t care that some men loved other men. 

 

Wesley shifted in his sleep but he didn’t wake up. Dean hoped he slept for a while. It would be good for him. Nothing would magically be fixed when Wesley woke up, unfortunately. He could only be there for Wesley, though he couldn’t help but wonder what this meant for their future. Wesley was going to have to find another job, and that might take him out of town and out of Dean’s life because Dean honestly didn’t know if he could leave here or not. Could he let Wesley walk out of his life though? He didn’t want to let Wesley go, but he didn’t know if he could leave. He had lived here his entire life. Sam was here. How could Dean just leave Sam like that?

 

Dean just wouldn’t think about that right now.

 

He watched over Wesley as he slept, and thankfully Wesley slept for a good few hours. He would probably stay up long enough now to eat something and maybe relax a little, and then Dean imagined that Wesley wouldn’t have too much trouble getting back to sleep. He knew how much a good cry could wear a person out. It had happened to him more than once after Sam had passed.

 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Dean asked, even though he knew that there was no possible way that Wesley could feel better.

 

“Thirsty,” Wesley replied.

 

“Okay. Stay here and I’ll get you some water.” Dean got out of bed and headed for Wesley’s kitchen. Despite telling himself that he wasn’t going to think about the possibility of Wesley leaving, he couldn’t stop himself. Wesley’s place had started feeling like home. What would happen if Wesley left? After Sam, Dean didn’t think he could handle another loss, even if it was just Wesley leaving him. It would still be a loss. 

 

Dean knew he had some important decisions coming up in the very near future. He hoped he could make the right ones. It wasn’t as if Dean would just be leaving Sam behind. Dean’s shop was here. He had worked hard for that place. Would he really be able to sell it and leave it? It was all too much to think about. Why couldn’t he just be happy? Why couldn’t things just work out for him?

 

He brought Wesley his glass of water and then climbed back into bed with him. “Are you going to want anything to eat?”

 

Wesley shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” He finished his water and set the empty glass to the side. He lay back down and pulled Dean with him. Dean ran his fingers through Wesley’s hair and kissed him. It wouldn’t make Wesley feel better, but at least it would take his mind off of things for a while. 

 

After only a few minutes of kissing Wesley though, he could tell that Wesley wanted to take things further. He was hard and rubbing against Dean, and he was kissing Dean with such focus and intensity. Dean couldn’t do this though. Not with the possibility of Wesley leaving. Not with the possibility that they might not have this for much longer. He just couldn’t.

 

Gently, he pushed Wesley away from him. 

 

“What’s the matter? Don’t you want to?”

 

“Wesley, you have no idea how badly I want to. But you might be leaving.”

 

Wesley’s brows furrowed in concentration. “Wouldn’t you want to come with me?”

 

“More than anything, but I don’t know if I can. My shop is here. Sam is here.”

 

Wesley’s face fell and Dean hated that he had done that to Wesley, especially after what had just happened.

 

“I’m sorry, Wesley. I really am. I don’t want to lose your friendship though, so if you want to keep hanging out while you’re looking for a job then that’s fine. If you don’t want to then I understand.”

 

Fresh tears were streaming down Wesley’s face, and it broke Dean’s heart. He didn’t want to do this but he didn’t know if he could leave with Wesley. It was better to do this now than later. Things would be worse if he waited. 

 

Dean pulled Wesley into his arms, risking Wesley’s wrath, hoping that Wesley wouldn’t hate him for what he had done, and held Wesley as he cried. Wesley wasn’t pushing him away, but Dean didn’t take that as a good sign. Wesley was just needy right now and Dean could understand that. In the morning, things would look different for Wesley and he might very well tell Dean to get out of his life. It wasn’t something Dean wanted to hear, but he was fully expecting it to happen, and he wouldn’t blame Wesley one bit for it. 

 

Wesley’s tears subsided and Dean pushed Wesley so he was lying down. Dean lay down next to him, wondering if Wesley was about to kick him out of bed. He didn’t know what he would do in Wesley’s situation. On one hand, Wesley’s life had just fallen apart and he wanted comfort, but on the other hand, that comfort was coming from someone who had just called things off with him.

 

Dean was such a dick.

 

He had to keep reminding himself that this really was for the best so he wouldn’t open his mouth and take everything back. 

 

Wesley fell asleep in his arms and Dean tried to pretend that his whole world wasn’t falling apart again.


	3. Chapter 3

Wesley had been searching for a job for a couple of months now. He had been on a few interviews, but nothing had come of them. Dean could see how much all this was wearing on Wesley.

 

Wesley, being the wonderful person that he was, had not kicked Dean out of his life. Instead, he clung to Dean the way he had in the days before their first kiss. If Dean were a better man, he would stop that kind of behavior too, but he was selfish and wanted as much of Wesley’s attention as he could get before Wesley was out of his life for good.

 

It still hurt to think of Wesley leaving. He had talked to Sam about it more times than he cared to admit. He wanted so badly for Sam to actually be here so he could give Dean advice on this. Although if Sam actually were here, then Dean wasn’t so sure that he would be talking to Sam about it. 

 

Dean let himself into Wesley’s apartment. Wesley practically threw himself at Dean.

 

Dean laughed. “What is this all about Wesley?”

 

“I got a job!”

 

“That’s fantastic!” Dean picked Wesley up and whirled him around. “So where are you off to?”

 

“San Francisco.”

 

“Well, at least you shouldn’t have any problems out there.”

 

“Are you sure you won’t come with me, Dean? And I’m not even asking so you can be with me. Don’t you think that kind of environment would be better for you?”

 

Dean shrugged. “I’ve lived here my whole life and I think I’ve managed just fine.”

 

Wesley sighed. “Then will you think about coming for me?”

 

Dean shook his head. “I’m sorry, Wesley. I can’t.”

 

Dean had been thinking of nothing else since Wesley had been fired. He just couldn’t leave his shop or his brother. 

 

“When do you leave?”

 

“In a couple of weeks.”

 

Dean’s jaw dropped. “So soon? But it’s in the middle of a semester.”

 

“They want me to start this summer and they want me to sub a couple of classes this semester to see how things go.”

 

“But…” Dean trailed off. He thought he had more time with Wesley, but Wesley didn’t need to hear that. This was Dean’s problem, not Wesley’s.

 

“Dean, I know you don’t want to do anything and that’s fine, but do you think that you could stay here with me for the next couple of weeks?”

 

Dean snorted. “You just want someone to help you with the packing.” He was trying to make light of the situation, hoping to get a smile out of Wesley. Wesley smiled but it wasn’t a real one. “Of course I’ll stay with you, Wesley,” Dean quickly amended. 

 

He could stay tonight in what he had worn here and then tomorrow he could stop by his place before heading into work. He could bring a bag back and then spend the rest of Wesley’s time here with him. They wouldn’t be apart except for when Dean went to work. He didn’t know if he would be able to handle being in such close proximity to Wesley all of the time without actually doing anything with Wesley. He would have to though. Wesley needed him so Dean was going to be there for him. He wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 

Wesley cooked dinner for the two of them. Dinner conversation consisted of Wesley’s plans for moving. Dean’s heart was heavy with pain. Part of him wished that Wesley was leaving tomorrow so that this would just be over with. Right now, two weeks was feeling like an eternity. He didn’t know how he was going to survive this. 

 

That night, Wesley curled up around him in bed. There was no way that Dean was going to survive this.

 

*****

 

Wesley’s entire apartment was packed up save for the sheets on the floor that would be their bed tonight, clothes for tomorrow, and any toiletries that Wesley might need tomorrow. He was leaving early in the morning.

 

They had enjoyed fast food for dinner, something they hadn’t done often since Dean like Wesley’s cooking and Wesley loved cooking for him. Dean was going to have to go back to cooking for himself. 

 

Dean walked around Wesley’s apartment again, making sure they hadn’t forgotten anything, but also taking in how empty it was. It was really happening. Wesley was leaving for San Francisco in the morning. Wesley was leaving and Dean was staying behind. 

 

“Are you ready for bed?” Wesley asked from behind him, startling him and making him jump. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

“It’s fine, and yeah, I’m ready for bed.” Dean was already in his pajamas, and so was Wesley. They got as comfortable as they could on the pile of sheets on the floor. 

 

Wesley curled around Dean the way he had been lately, but this time things felt different. This would be the last time that Wesley would lay in his arms. This would be the last time that Dean got to hold him. 

 

“Dean?” Wesley’s voice was just a whisper. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I know you don’t want to because I’m leaving and you aren’t coming with me, but are you sure you don’t want to? Don’t you want to part with a good memory? Don’t you want to know what it’s like?”

 

“Don’t you think it will be even more painful if we end things like that?”

 

“Dean, please.” Wesley’s voice cracked on the “please” and Dean couldn’t resist, not that his resolve had been strong in the first place. It was impossible to resist Wesley like this though.

 

He pushed Wesley onto his back and then covered Wesley’s body with his own. He kissed Wesley for the first time since Wesley had gotten fired. He had forgotten how sweet Wesley’s mouth tasted to him. 

 

A whine escaped the back of his throat, just from the taste of Wesley on him again. 

 

Wesley’s hands slid under Dean’s shirt, stroking the bare skin of his lower back. Dean felt like he was on fire. Wesley was going to consume him and they hadn’t even gotten out of their clothes yet. 

 

With that in mind he sat up, reluctantly tearing his lips from Wesley’s, and tugged his shirt off. He tossed it to the side and then helped Wesley out of his. He lowered himself back to Wesley and gave him one last lingering kiss before moving on from Wesley’s lips to explore. 

 

He trailed kisses along Wesley’s jaw before moving down to his neck. He spent some time on a sensitive spot that made Wesley moan and shift beneath him. 

 

It was when Dean got to Wesley’s nipples that Wesley actually let out a curse. It wasn’t often that Wesley cursed, so Dean was definitely going to spend some time on each of Wesley’s nipples to see if he couldn’t get more words like that to spill from Wesley’s lips. 

 

He sucked and licked and teased until Wesley was a writhing mess, begging Dean for something more. Dean chuckled but made his way further down Wesley’s body until he was right where Wesley wanted him the most. Unfortunately for Wesley, Wesley still had his pajama bottoms on. Dean didn’t let that stop him though. He mouthed Wesley’s dick through the thin, worn material, and was rewarded with a beautiful groan from Wesley. 

 

Dean smiled and started pulling Wesley’s pajama bottoms down, pleased to see that Wesley wasn’t wearing anything under them. The kid had probably planned the entire thing.

 

He rid Wesley of his pajama bottoms and then decided to take care of his own, even though he didn’t know where the night was heading. 

 

Dean took Wesley’s dick in his hand, eager to taste him. Dean had never really been a fan of giving head, but his mouth was watering at the thought of swallowing Wesley down whole. 

 

He licked a stripe up Wesley’s dick, wanting to see what kind of reaction he would get. It was Dean who let out the groan. He swirled his tongue around the head, licking at Wesley’s slit. He let out another groan as the taste of Wesley exploded on his tongue. 

 

Now that he had the taste of Wesley, he wasn’t sure he could give it up. 

 

He wrapped his lips around Wesley and slowly slid down until he couldn’t take anymore before sliding right back up. He kept a slow pace until he got the hang of it - it had been a really long time since he had done it - and then quickened his pace, using his hand to stroke whatever he couldn’t fit into his mouth. 

 

Wesley had lost capacity for words and had fallen back on just moaning. Dean didn’t care. He loved hearing those sounds coming out of Wesley’s mouth. He loved that he was the one eliciting those sounds from Wesley. 

 

He wasn’t expecting Wesley to last long. Not only was it Wesley’s first blow job, but it was Wesley’s first orgasm from another person, period. 

 

Wesley’s hands found purchase in his hair, gripping but not pulling, and then Wesley was coming down his throat. Dean greedily drank down as much as he could, but some managed to spill out of his mouth anyway. He stayed with Wesley until he was too sensitive to touch and then licked up whatever come he hadn’t been able to swallow. 

 

“Jesus,” Wesley muttered as Dean licked his way back up Wesley’s body. 

 

He lay on his side with an arm thrown around Wesley, letting him catch his breath. 

 

“There’s lube in my bag,” Wesley told him after a few minutes, leaving no doubt as to what it was that Wesley wanted.

 

“Condoms?” Dean asked.

 

Wesley’s eyes flew open. “No. I didn’t even think of that. Do we need them?”

 

Dean sighed. “No, we actually don’t. I haven’t been with anyone since before my brother… and I was tested recently. I’m clean.”

 

“Good. The lube’s in my bag.”

 

Dean chuckled and thought of asking Wesley if he was sure, but he knew that Wesley was. Wesley had been waiting a long time for this, and so had Dean.

 

He found Wesley’s bag and dug around until he found the lube. “Do you need a couple of minutes or are you good to go?”

 

Wesley’s legs fell open in response. Dean had to squeeze the base of his dick to keep himself from coming right then. He wasn’t really surprised that Wesley had that kind of effect on him. 

 

He poured lube onto his fingers and then eased one into Wesley. “Have you ever done this to yourself before?”

 

“Yes,” Wesley replied a bit breathlessly.

 

Dean smirked. “While thinking of me?”

 

“Yes,” Wesley admitted, groaning as he rocked himself on Dean’s finger. Dean closed his eyes for a moment, even as he continued fucking his finger into Wesley. He was still dangerously close to coming.

 

He kept his eyes closed until he felt he had himself under control. He opened them so that he could push a second finger into Wesley, relishing the way Wesley pushed against his fingers.

 

“This is so much better than my fingers.”

 

Dean laughed as he worked his fingers in and out of Wesley, feeling the muscle loosening around them. 

 

“Dean, I’ve done this many times to myself. Can you please just get on with it?” 

 

“So impatient. If this is the only time we’re going to do this, don’t you think we should make it last?”

 

Wesley looked like he was going to argue, but then he nodded. “You’re right.”

 

Dean leaned down so he could kiss Wesley as he worked him open. Wesley groaned into his mouth, moving against Dean’s fingers. He was clearly impatient to get started. Dean had gotten Wesley to admit that he was right, though, and that they should take their time, so that was exactly what Dean was going to do. 

 

He worked a third finger into Wesley, mostly to tease at this point, but he did rub his fingers against Wesley’s prostate to make up for it. Wesley shouted in surprise and then begged Dean to do it again, so he did. 

 

Tired of teasing Wesley, and wanting something more, he slid his fingers out and poured lube onto his hand. He slicked himself up, and unlike with his fingers, where he had eased them into Wesley, he gave one good thrust so that he was fully seated in Wesley. That was when he paused to give Wesley time to adjust.

 

He peppered kisses all over Wesley’s face as he waited for him to adjust. Dean needed that time anyway. He had done this with other guys before, so he hadn’t been expecting this. This was different. This was Wesley. 

 

Wesley felt amazing and Dean could just stay buried in Wesley like this forever. 

 

“Are you going to move?” Wesley asked after a few minutes.

 

“I was thinking I would stay just like this, actually.”

 

Wesley reached down and pinched his butt which made him jump, causing both of them to groan. 

 

“I guess I’ll move then.”

 

Wesley huffed, but he ran his hands over Dean’s back in encouragement. 

 

“You feel really good, Dean.”

 

“So do you.”

 

Dean began thrusting into Wesley, keeping his pace slow. He still wanted this to last as long as he could, and Wesley did feel really good.

 

Wesley wrapped his arms and his legs around Dean, holding him close to him. It didn’t matter that Dean wanted this to last. It wasn’t going to. He slid a hand down Wesley’s body and gripped Wesley in his hand. He began stroking and Wesley arched up against him, his head thrown back against the pillow, eyes closed and mouth open. Dean was never going to forget what Wesley looked like in this moment. 

 

The sight of Wesley like that made him come, and thankfully Wesley was right there with him because otherwise he would have felt like a complete ass if he had left Wesley hanging. 

 

He collapsed onto Wesley with a grunt. Wesley kept his arms and legs wrapped around Dean, holding him in place. He could feel a wetness against his cheek, and he knew that Wesley was crying.

 

He rolled onto his side, Wesley still attached to him, so he could wrap his arms around Wesley and so that they would be more comfortable. 

 

Wesley fell asleep like that, wrapped around Dean with Dean still inside of him. He hadn’t cried for long before he had fallen asleep. Dean was just glad that Wesley slept.

 

He couldn’t give this up. That had been amazing, and not just because it had been sex. Dean had felt a connection with Wesley, something he had never had with anyone before. He loved Wesley and Wesley loved him. It really did make a difference. 

 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let Wesley walk out of his life, and that meant that he was going to have to make some sacrifices. He couldn’t ask Wesley to stay here, not after what had happened. Wesley needed to be somewhere he felt safe. Wesley needed to be somewhere he was comfortable being himself. That place wasn’t here. 

 

Dean had a lot of stuff to figure out and not a lot of time to do it in.

 

***

 

Dean was exhausted. He hadn’t gotten any sleep. He had been up all night thinking. 

 

He honestly didn’t know how he had thought he was going to get away with not having Wesley in his life. That just wasn’t possible. Once he had figured that out, the rest was easy.

 

Clearly he was going to have to follow Wesley to San Francisco. That meant leaving Sam behind, but he knew that Wesley would never keep him from seeing Sam again. Wesley would be okay with taking trips out here to visit him. Wesley would never deprive him of that. 

 

Dean could sell his shop. He’d had interested buyers before, so hopefully there was somebody who was still interested. 

 

Selling the shop would actually be the deciding factor in when he would make it out to San Francisco. He wouldn’t be able to leave here until he sold it. He just hoped he would be able to do that soon. He didn’t want too long of a separation from Wesley.

 

This was his fault, of course. If only he had realized sooner just how much Wesley actually meant to him and that he wouldn’t be able to live without him. If he had done that, then he could have already sold his shop and be on his way to San Francisco now with Wesley. 

 

He helped Wesley pack up the last little bit of his stuff and then walked him out to his car. He had a trailer hitched to the back of it with all of his possessions. 

 

“Dean,” Wesley started but Dean interrupted him. “Well I’ll see you soon. I just don’t know when.”

 

Wesley snorted. “Are you planning on a trip out to see me already?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Dean, it’s too early. What are you going on about?”

 

“I wish I could tell you how long it will be before I’m out there, but I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to sell the shop.”

 

Wesley gaped at him. “Wait. What?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

“So all it took for you to decide to move to San Francisco with me was sex?” Wesley crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Dean.

 

“I admit, it was the sex that made me realize what an idiot I’ve been, but if it makes you feel better, we don’t have to have sex when I get to San Francisco. We can wait again.”

 

“Was it not good?” Wesley asked, surprising Dean with his forthrightness. 

 

Dean groaned and wrapped Wesley in his arms. “I’m doing this all wrong. Last night was amazing. Nothing has ever compared to that. It made me realize that I was an idiot to think that I could let you walk out of my life. I just need you to know that it’s not about the sex. It’s you that I can’t live without. I think we just might have knocked some sense into me last night.”

 

Wesley snorted. “Figures that sex would do that to you.”

 

Dean tickled Wesley in retaliation. 

 

“So does this mean you’re really coming to San Francisco with me?” Wesley asked once he had stopped laughing. 

 

“Wesley, I loved Sam more than anything, a bit differently than the way I love you, but I lost him. I love you more than that shop, and I know you’ll be happy to come out here with me to visit Sam, so I’m not going to risk losing you too.”

 

“Try not to keep me waiting for too long.”

 

Dean laughed against Wesley’s neck. “I’ll do my best.”

 

He held Wesley for as long as he could before Wesley finally needed to get on the road. Dean watched him drive off knowing that he would be joining him soon. 

 

Sam would support Dean in this decision. He wouldn’t want Dean’s life to stop just because his had. He would want Dean to be happy. Wesley made him happy, so that was where he needed to be. With Wesley was where he wanted to be.


End file.
